tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32135466301688460832024-02-07T16:44:25.162-08:00議題胡說Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09198332433743375863noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213546630168846083.post-50809295772356642722017-04-25T04:09:00.000-07:002017-04-25T04:10:42.353-07:0002 如果,你願意聽我說。<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdRpn0paK_pGn-on7Xwd13ihN5cp0aK-nMlHZPFIlYI33ewkZxSjIGj8c2XfY_MkIS2L_Q4TDpacR7g577Zf3xUAILeEmhdEm8f-A41jy1gjcBSG7gdDFA3hD_d8U7xXpEFIK-QuqbAnxF/s1600/top.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="372" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdRpn0paK_pGn-on7Xwd13ihN5cp0aK-nMlHZPFIlYI33ewkZxSjIGj8c2XfY_MkIS2L_Q4TDpacR7g577Zf3xUAILeEmhdEm8f-A41jy1gjcBSG7gdDFA3hD_d8U7xXpEFIK-QuqbAnxF/s400/top.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">如果,你願意聽我說。</span></h2>
<div>
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 課堂上總是和老師唱反調,沒心思好好學習的同學,下課後一群人聚在角落偷偷抽菸,染頭髮穿耳洞期待有人多看一眼刺青的臉,躲進書堆藏身螢幕後,掩藏矛盾的心漫無目的出神地遊走,然後有一天,當世界好像真的放棄我,我輾轉被送進一個所謂的安置機構<span lang="EN-US">…</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 不過,可不可以,可不可以,就一次,好好地聽我說說</span><span lang="EN-US"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">?</span><br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
____________________________________</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLJpWz2l5MSKJGESn79SshS3448zeq3gjSqaEko0XHfUJSheNBewbwKOOFXfgImKE-1A86vAGm4Rw6uyLWHw3gjX0dbulJYYEM7ykVuf8M1cNpgpIspOqJXwkoeQXnNpl2u-kLxbPZ5l60/s1600/01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLJpWz2l5MSKJGESn79SshS3448zeq3gjSqaEko0XHfUJSheNBewbwKOOFXfgImKE-1A86vAGm4Rw6uyLWHw3gjX0dbulJYYEM7ykVuf8M1cNpgpIspOqJXwkoeQXnNpl2u-kLxbPZ5l60/s400/01.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;">《實務觀點》</span></span></span></span></h3>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta; font-size: x-large;"><b style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">─ </b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>無人能否定你,除非自己選擇放棄</b></span><b style="font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> ─</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>訪談對象</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><b>良顯堂社會福利基金會 陳綢兒少家園 徐瑜主任</b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>基督教芥菜種會
愛心育幼院 蘇鈺惠院長<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>張秀菊基金會
郭碧雲執行長<span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">孩子的書屋基金會
陳彥凱<span lang="EN-US">(</span>凱哥<span lang="EN-US">)</span></span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"> </span></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 戴眼鏡的朋友都知道,眼鏡戴跟不戴,世界好似判若兩人。了解一個現象、一個人、一件事的時候,知道自己戴什麼樣的眼鏡去看,因而有一個這樣的,對該人該事的認識,是更重要的體認,才不致於累積偏見歧視,在還未明白時先下了定論。</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 這期胡說帶大家看的是,他人眼中脾氣可能有點大,防衛心重,偶爾惹事上身,際遇特殊,行為不時乖張的兒童青少年,借用第一線安置機構資深服務人員的眼鏡,試著了解孩子的心聲和困境,亦邀請大家一起探索、反思自身建立與自己,與父母,與下一代合宜舒適關係的小秘密。</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h4>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;">Q1 </span></span></span></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">從事這麼久的兒少服務工作,你覺得服務對象最需要的是什麼<span lang="EN-US">?</span></span></h4>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">良:</span></span></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">發展過程中需要關注的很多,生理、心理、社會等面相,這裡的孩子應被滿足的需求大多都沒被滿足,包括自律、人際互動等。我覺得最重要<b>最需要的是「穩定跟安全的關係」</b>。離家或一旦開始安置,穩定的關係和安全感是被破壞的,我們接手的角色很像後母,信任關係沒被建立,後面補再多都是枉然。</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">芥:</span></span></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>孩子需要有個確據,他們是真的存在的</b>。有些孩子覺得自己存在是個假象,感覺自己有也好,沒有也好,都沒有關係。孩子要認識自己真實的存在,知道自己存在是有價值的,<b>不是因為我是什麼人物或擁有什麼,而是,生命本身就是有價值的</b>。不過一定是因為他在生命中感受到愛,才會認知到自己是有價值的。這也是我們一直在努力的。</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h4>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;">Q2 </span></span></span></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">你覺得他們常常碰到哪樣的難處、困擾,或陷入怎樣的狀態<span lang="EN-US">?</span></span></h4>
<div>
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">菊:</span></span></span></span><span style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">低自尊、低自信,易陷入自憐的受害者心態,有時會過度依賴,陷入情緒勒索、自我放棄的狀態。陪伴過程中,很重要的是怎麼幫助他們從受害者的角色變成可以貢獻的人,不沉溺在自己的感覺、傷痛和世界裡。</span></span><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">良:</span></span></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">人們習慣用同齡的孩子或同齡優秀的孩子去比較或要求其他孩子都要符合這個標準。但他們要面臨的議題真的很多,我們可能到現在都還在處理他們五歲、七歲的發展任務,一般人沒看到的是,這些孩子即便活了十六、七歲,他過去十年可能是完全空白的。這些<b>標籤和期待,對一個這年紀的孩子來說,實在是不能承受之重</b>,整個社會對已安置的孩子容忍度真的很低。</span><br />
<br />
<h4>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;">Q3 </span></span></span></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">談到標籤,分享台東孩子的書屋的經驗:</span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: red;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">書:</span></span></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">不管他過去怎樣,未來會怎樣,我們只討論「現在」這件事。現在我們要蓋房子,要怎麼蓋,你願不願意蓋<span lang="EN-US">?</span>你想學什麼工作<span lang="EN-US">?</span>凡事從當下切入。用工作慢慢建立自信,之後他才有勇氣去面對過去的缺憾或不舒服。<b>他們常問我:「為什麼你會覺得我可以做到<span lang="EN-US">?</span>」我也反問:「為什麼你們會認為,我覺得你們做不到<span lang="EN-US">?</span>為什麼我要先認為你有問題<span lang="EN-US">?</span></b>而不是我們可就眼前的成就跟工作狀況來評判<span lang="EN-US">?</span>」他們會覺得:「像我們不準時上班,喜歡喝酒,就不怎麼樣,為什麼你還覺得<span lang="EN-US">ok?</span>」 我說:<b>「行為都是會發生的,但能不能是個過程,還是取決在你自己。」</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 我們的相處中沒有先入為主的主觀意識,專注嚴謹地朝理想去做,不管成功失敗,都是種疊加。理想跟實際,最後一定落在中間,<b>我們不去討論一些不屬於現在的事情,或拼命擔心什麼,因為盡力在當下,就夠了。</b></span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: red;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<h4>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;">Q4 </span></span></span></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">父母陪伴孩子成長的重點?</span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: red;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">芥:</span></span></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">要相信孩子,不要放棄孩子,懂得放手,讓孩子有選擇的機會。有時父母幫孩子做了選擇,不放手,孩子學不到他們可以學的事情。的確有很多會讓照顧者生氣,傷心或擔憂的事,但過程中,我們如果很快覺得這孩子不是我期待的,沒出息、不聽話,孩子是會感受到的,他會覺得我是被放棄的,就不會有動力。孩子常因與重要他人之間的關係不好,孩子就覺得什麼都沒關係了。所以要<b>常常自我提醒,孩子是一個獨立的個體</b>。過高的期待,孩子也感受不到關心,他們會覺得,你就在要求我而已。</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">良:</span></span></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">花時間<span lang="EN-US">! </span><b>花時間去認識、理解包容,不厭其煩地跟他們溝通</b>,就算甚麼都不做,只是花時間陪在他們身邊,也很重要。能同理這些本身為生存就有極大壓力的父母,只是很想請他們<b>不要放棄</b>,因為當他們切斷跟孩子的連結的時候,對孩子的創傷是非常大的,甚至讓一個<span lang="EN-US">15</span>歲的孩子半年沒辦法好好說話,大小便失禁。</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">菊:</span></span></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>父母要有反省跟自覺的能力</b>。我到底是怎麼跟自己相處,怎麼生活的?<b>身教是無形的,你是怎樣的人,你的孩子就會跟你一樣</b>。我們父母也是在學習過生活,經營人生,對待孩子我們可能有許多錯誤示範和對待,發現自己錯了,要能跟孩子說對不起。父母親<span lang="EN-US">say sorry</span>這件事,是讓孩子未來經營良好關係非常重要的示範點。另外,不管孩子遇到什麼困境,父母親要比孩子更冷靜,告訴孩子,困難人人都有,重點不是遇到什麼困難,而是面對困境、處理問題的態度,才是關鍵。最後,千萬不要拿兩個孩子來比較,孩子會覺得自己不夠好,當他覺得自己不夠好的時候,就沒辦法往前進了。</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<h4>
<span style="background-color: white; font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;">Q5 </span></span></span></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">我們當父母的,可以怎麼跟自己相處?</span></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">芥:</span></span></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">我們常常要思考,怎樣<b>善待自己,願意放掉一些堅持。先放掉對自己太多的期待</b>,即使大人也都很擔心別人怎麼看自己,這過程中,不要一直加重自己的負擔。另外,父母要不斷學習,沒有人天生就會做父母,想想以前環境中有哪些是我不太喜歡被對待的,在跟孩子的相處中能有這樣的自覺。自覺很難,若能把自己放掉,走出去學習,可能會有些新觀念。老一輩說,兒孫自有兒孫福,我們真的不用太擔憂孩子,有時我們幫他選擇的,反而是他走不下去的。</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">良:</span></span></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>先將自己的狀態處理好,才能好好處理孩子的</b>。學著自我接納。父母在教養上常常也很無助,可善用社會資源,我們陪你一起帶孩子成長,你不是孤單的,所以真的不要放棄與孩子的關係。</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<h4>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;">Q6 </span></span></span></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">你覺得有怎樣的動機會讓自己願意改變,相信能給自己不一樣的未來<span lang="EN-US">?</span></span></h4>
<div>
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">良:</span></span></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="text-align: center;">我覺得就是</span><span style="text-align: center;"><b>被相信、被認同的感覺,可以促發改變的動機</b></span><span style="text-align: center;">。對孩子感同身受,同理他,讓孩子相信,會有人陪他,會有人認同他,這點很重要。當他開始做了,那些改變為他帶來很好的收獲,他會願意再走下一步。</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">菊:</span></span></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">Be-Do-Have</span>的觀念。功利社會太強調<span lang="EN-US">have(</span>我要擁有什麼東西<span lang="EN-US">)</span>,比如讀書是為獲更高收入,享受更好生活等。但<b>我們帶孩子,要回到「<span lang="EN-US">be</span>」這個問題開始</b>,問孩子,你是誰<span lang="EN-US">?</span>你要成為什麼樣的人<span lang="EN-US">? </span>那你需要怎麼做,才會成為那樣子的人<span lang="EN-US">?</span>從<span lang="EN-US">be</span>開始產生行為,而不是用<span lang="EN-US">have </span>定義自我。因為我已經決定我是什麼樣的人,那個動機就會成就你未來會擁有什麼生活,什麼樣的關係,什麼樣的事業。所以改變的動機就是:<b>你怎麼看待你自己</b><span lang="EN-US"><b>?</b> </span>比如我決定要成為一個誠實的人,那我待人做事就如實表達,不耍巧詐,所以擁有一群信任我的朋友。<span lang="EN-US">Be-Do-Have</span>。從「我是誰」來思考延伸,不從<span lang="EN-US">have</span>開什麼車住什麼房,來衡量人生價值。</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h4>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;">Q7 </span></span></span></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">和他們的互動當中,有沒有一些你覺得<span lang="EN-US"> it’s real
amazing </span>的時刻<span lang="EN-US">?</span></span></h4>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">昨天有個孩子開心跑向我,過去半年他同一件事情重覆做錯很多次,他跟我說<span lang="EN-US">: </span>ㄟ這次他們都偷跑,但是我沒有<span lang="EN-US">! </span>他這樣說的時候我就想,<b>錯誤一定有可修正的機會,但我們通常都急著管秩序,急著規範</b>,用其它方式壓下去,沒協助孩子,給他空間去修正,錯過處理源頭問題的機會。這件事很鼓舞我們,也讓我們看見很多改變的可能。<b>我無法保證每一件事情都能改變,但我相信有些事一旦開始改變,它後面的轉變就會越來越好。</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span>
<br />
<h4>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;">Q8 </span></span></span></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">若你可為孩子對社會大眾說一句話,你會想說什麼<span lang="EN-US">?</span></span></h4>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 27.6px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">良:</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">1. </span>我們都是孩子<span lang="EN-US">!</span>成長路上哪個人不跌到,有沒有更多的空間讓我們去練習?</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">2. </span>我們都是孩子,標籤跟價值,那些好像理所當然的「你應該」強壓在自己和孩子身上,實在太重了。<span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">3. </span>預防絕對勝於治療,盼更多資源投入預防工作,因為<b>安置本身,就是一種歧視。</b> </span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">菊:</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">1. </span>在國民義務教育裡頭,開始影響下一代,怎樣經營好自己人生當中,每一個階段的關係,這才是釜底抽薪的問題。<span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">2. </span>大人或主流社會的期待需要被調整,不去用「擁有什麼」<span lang="EN-US">(have)</span>定義人生的成功與否。<span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">3. </span>孩子會有一句話要說,就是:「可不可以請你們好好靜下來聽我說說話<span lang="EN-US">?</span>」</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">書:</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">每一個人都是黑孩子,有自己黑暗的那面,恐懼的事情。很多事必須「聽」孩子講出來,而不是「逼」他講出來,或「誘導」他講出來。陪久了,他就會常常問你他內心的問題,他會知道不管有什麼事,你都在,都會給他說話的機會,都會聽他說,說完後會給個衷懇的回應,不是長篇道理。這就是修補的動作。</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">芥:</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">穩定恆常的關係,一般家庭有父母是比較容易。安置機構要這樣真難,即使有些社工做了十幾年,是否是穩定的,每個孩子感受都不同。當然有形部分我們盡量不要一直轉換照顧者;不過還是有個期待能讓孩子知道,除了你看得到的,還有個你看不到的存在,在被造的宇宙中,有個守護著你的,你還沒出母腹就有的。除了育幼院的照顧外,我們也會告訴孩子,有一個上帝的愛在孩子身上,<b>不管在哪個地方,看得見的也許轉換了,卻還是有個愛你的,在你裡面</b>。</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>我們都是孩子,我們還會成長,還有許多改變的可能。讓我們不要放棄,不選擇性地接納自己,不是因為我們是<span lang="EN-US">somebody</span>,而是生命本身就是種奇蹟。每一刻都可以是新生的開始,何妨吟嘯且徐行<span lang="EN-US">?</span></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></b></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk-dcihRdxrLp7YYQ4eosfWtSHtV6UuQkSpbtPUp4wMepYQKw_lGvTT2Stpel3xcFNgG15xYnyaLUdocq29Y6XsGDGbjPWdclN8DwhUOkaUqtTTKXyuZ3auZMwbKquc1q6OesDVyXnied3/s1600/02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="316" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk-dcihRdxrLp7YYQ4eosfWtSHtV6UuQkSpbtPUp4wMepYQKw_lGvTT2Stpel3xcFNgG15xYnyaLUdocq29Y6XsGDGbjPWdclN8DwhUOkaUqtTTKXyuZ3auZMwbKquc1q6OesDVyXnied3/s400/02.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></b></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US">____________________________</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;">《胡說觀點》</span></span></span></span></h3>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt;"></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<h4>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: magenta; font-size: x-large;"><b>─ </b></span></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">如果我是,我們都是,孩子。</span><b style="background-color: white; color: magenta; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: xx-large;">─</b></h4>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #ed7d31; mso-themecolor: accent2;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><br /></b></span></span><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>文 / 胡詠婷</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>議題胡說總編輯</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp3FUWDoYtaUseELj9gLLoN990lPS1RzA9bGz_Bqev3dacGOwyV0D0AT_itgFwWcMDurZrRP2eDAQ9EePHv1mS8zkSivNNWN4mVRf6CpwIj0Hfd3cD5UKpcW_voZvrGH1yB076P8KU4b-f/s1600/03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp3FUWDoYtaUseELj9gLLoN990lPS1RzA9bGz_Bqev3dacGOwyV0D0AT_itgFwWcMDurZrRP2eDAQ9EePHv1mS8zkSivNNWN4mVRf6CpwIj0Hfd3cD5UKpcW_voZvrGH1yB076P8KU4b-f/s400/03.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">曾經我們也是一張白紙,而今我們要給下</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">一代的,是怎麼樣的一個關係,我們都是</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">責任人,因為孩子,是看著我們長大的。</span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 不知道您是否記得自己小時候,對爸媽、兄弟姊妹或學校老師,有幾次委屈得很,或是氣得牙癢癢的經驗?是否記得那個不可能表達,或已經表達過但永遠沒有人想認真聽你說,也不可能為你的感受或訴求做出任何調整的氣餒、失落和挫敗。比如說,爸爸生氣時可不可以不要練亂打人,或是,學校可不可以不要把美術音樂體育課拿去考試,可不可以教我如何快速找到我需要的資訊,幫助我解決生活上的問題,可不可以教我處理自己的情緒,如何和他人合作,怎樣經營一段感情,如何設立界線,尊重自己和別人。在我沒考到好分數時,可不可以別急著罵我、否定我,可不可以幫助我認識自己,發展我的長處。可不可以不要拿我來跟隔壁的<span lang="EN-US">Eric</span>比。可不可以讓我自己決定我的方向,協助我一起評估可能風險和所需資源就好。可不可以相信我,不要怕我跌倒<span lang="EN-US">……<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--></span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 然而,那真的是「好」嗎<span lang="EN-US">?</span>是誰定義的好?孩子能否更有勇氣地看見周圍的需要,不吝嗇地貢獻自己的創意才幹給社會?孩子能不能承認自己的錯誤並即刻尋求修正,而不是花時間擔心如果被發現會被瞧不起於是找很多理由掩蓋事實?<b>孩子能不能成為有擔當的引領時代的人,而不是被時代引領</b>,活在恐慌不安,只企求做最少付出換到更多好康的人?孩子能不能在我們的身上看見經營幸福關係的方法,對未來懷抱希望?孩子能不能從我們的態度中看見自己無可取代的價值,不會逃避去認識自己的陰暗面,承認自己真實的聲音,勇敢為自己負責?如果回想一下,那些小時候期待被對待的方式,渴望得到的多一點的信任、溝通的彈性、爸媽的肯定、老師的鼓勵、家人的陪伴、專注的傾聽、犯錯的空間、做決定的機會、玩耍的權力、穩定的安全感、無條件的接納、真誠的關懷、沒有標籤的自在,不需要活在罪惡感和恐慌裡每天察顏觀色戰戰兢兢,這些自己曾經期盼能有的對待,是否也已體現在目前我與所在乎的人或自己孩子的互動中了呢<span lang="EN-US">?</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
有可能當時我們掩蓋著自己需求落空的失落和挫敗,慢慢地,隨著更多加諸於自身卻好像永遠達不到的期待,乾脆說服自己,就是這樣了,我的聲音並不重要,重要的是在別人眼中,我是不是聽話,我可不可以「跟大家一樣」,甚至能不能打敗別人變成佼佼者。於是大部分的我們開始放棄自己的主體性,轉而追求世界的認同、掌聲和標準,致力追求成為一個平凡的佼佼者,無形中,再把這樣的價值信念和壓力傳給孩子,告訴孩子:「你應該<span lang="EN-US">(</span>如何如何<span lang="EN-US">)</span>,因為這樣才對,才好,才有未來」。</div>
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 對於一些特殊境遇的孩子,我們需要用更溫柔的眼鏡來認識,讓自己重新變成白紙,才能真的聽見他們,並真心欣賞、鼓勵彼此創建自己生命無可取代的價值。而這不是藉由更多的擔心、規範和「你應該」可以達成的。比如,你應該心懷感激,你應該好好反省,你應該奮發努力,你應該懂得孝敬,你應該讀哪個科系<span lang="EN-US">…</span>如果,孩子從我們的身上可以看見感激、反省、努力、孝敬的美好,那他大概也會了,不是嗎?<b>其實,大人和小孩常常是一樣無助的</b>,所以這一次,也許我們可以試著這樣說:「<b>即使在成為更好的自己的路上,在創造更美好和諧的社會當中,我們都常常失敗跌倒,但,好不好讓我們都不要放棄。</b>因為,同樣身為孩子,我們都需要犯錯的練習。<b>過去的讓他過去,此刻我們可以重新決定,自己要是什麼樣的自己。你覺得呢<span lang="EN-US">?</span></b>」</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US">____________________________</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US"></span></span></span></span></div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;">┌DJ推薦┐</span></span></span></span></h3>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> <span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span>這期推薦大家一本百看不厭的經典繪本《你很特別》,以及檢視關係的極佳工具書《情緒勒索》。最後用<u>蘇軾</u>的《定風波》,給同樣身為孩子的我們,一些豁達放下的勇氣。<br />也無風雨也無晴。</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">《定風波》</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">莫聽穿林打葉聲,何妨吟嘯且徐行。</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">竹杖芒鞋輕勝馬,誰怕?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">一簑煙雨任平生。</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">料峭春風吹酒醒,微冷,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">山頭斜照卻相迎。</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">回首向來蕭瑟處,歸去,</span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US">____________________________</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;">┌議題胡說┐</span></span></span></span></h3>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;">議題胡說</span></span></span></span></div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background: white;">是一個討論關係的獨立媒體,</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background: white;">從覺察自己開始。</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">
</span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;">試圖表述議題中各方不同的觀點立場,</span></span></div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">在對話的過程中,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">反思自己和自己、自己和他人、</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">自己和組織、社會、環境等,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">更和諧美好之關係可能性。</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">我們始終相信,</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">有一種優雅從容的生存樣態,</span></div>
</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="background-color: white; clear: both; color: #666666; line-height: 21.528px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/%E8%AD%B0%E9%A1%8C%E8%83%A1%E8%AA%AA-254089598362905/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW9is0HZM_gRxfPKVMwEIo1KZmGbniZwDiS8PyHaOCWCVRo33k3CvRn67sRKLydfVJh4EZkkV_dx_hSa4U_eQpgAanlJpAetrQs_nhHVCydsFpGwI-ZQOVB4caKvUNXfsbeQzhy6uw0NZV/s1600/follow+us_1_2.png" /></a> <span style="color: #666666;"> </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyuablEH4sTOTVLdC_xRkTMbGfdDBQ37F" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaeYeybX5dJMvKK5E0wgBh8BSwKDbMCy6CwcnSbLs9jmwZfQsctMDSwtg5IT7hmK_YAB40NGhGKLqMc1s_XX2FTqdXGwsmNAclAcM7nq6Hbhi5syt0AaTK7ke02kGiCaCd-MyUuJpNLEnS/s1600/follow+us_1_1.png" /></a></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 21.528px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 20.7px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; line-height: 21.528px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US">____________________________</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;"></span></span></span></span><br />
<div style="background-color: white; line-height: 21.528px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>發行人</b> 胡詠婷 <b>總編輯</b> 胡詠婷 <b>編輯</b> 程耀霆、陳宥鄞、張湘寧 <b>攝影</b> 秋葵</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>發行單位</b> 社團法人台灣綠能文創協會 <b>捐款帳號</b> 40610009200</span></span></span></span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09198332433743375863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213546630168846083.post-90001649986756933152017-04-13T01:56:00.000-07:002017-04-25T03:55:05.057-07:0001 創刊號<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNrqgKAUeeEWaKX70wKQN5zHgizINqzvRGrindomfGnTaTNz2cbmf_cUcalIz02y7_HimV3NDG57CVd_wERi4w0JYP7PM9pEM5zkKZYEXbTxnPuqyJU76RRp64iMNtAjal_aH_yqDLxCMz/s1600/top.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNrqgKAUeeEWaKX70wKQN5zHgizINqzvRGrindomfGnTaTNz2cbmf_cUcalIz02y7_HimV3NDG57CVd_wERi4w0JYP7PM9pEM5zkKZYEXbTxnPuqyJU76RRp64iMNtAjal_aH_yqDLxCMz/s400/top.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: orange; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;">我這樣愛你,對嗎?</span></span></h2>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> <span style="font-size: large;">愛,怎麼會有傷害?</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 這兩個看似相行甚遠的動機與概念,卻在關係的日常中,不難發現失之毫釐,差之千里,好似乳酪發酸,醇酒變得苦澀,最終發出「愛我的人,傷我最深」之感慨。</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> 這期胡說除了一窺家庭暴力的面向,也期待和您一同思考實踐,如果說愛一個人,就讓他像一朵花恣意盛開,那我的愛,是因為對方能符合我的期待,又或者可以是一種不帶有條件、意圖的欣賞、守候和灌溉<span lang="EN-US">?</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span lang="EN-US">____________________________</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;">《實務觀點》</span></span></span></span></h3>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: x-large;"><b>─ 對的人讓你更欣賞自己 ─</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b>訪談對象</b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><br /></b></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"> 勵馨基金會 </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">現代婦女基金會</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"> The Garden of Hope Foundation </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 15px;">Modern Women's </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">Foundation</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"> 台中分事務所副主任 葉美玲 </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">教育宣傳部主任 李姿佳</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 15px;"> 心理諮商師 張亦瑾 </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">公益行銷部主任 吳姿瑩</span></b></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhys_3y5xgDAlD3Ve5bUTP0HxAl9ub2KeF08FKkbAu2_jI2rFcndEBQgfJZUl_-p875V2IkWl-nCF9w8pBcOBnIsIwE-HcyFYtI03yhuTa_JMiL_4nqQBgCeR981q4pR0ONMwJEQxJ9d8hO/s1600/01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhys_3y5xgDAlD3Ve5bUTP0HxAl9ub2KeF08FKkbAu2_jI2rFcndEBQgfJZUl_-p875V2IkWl-nCF9w8pBcOBnIsIwE-HcyFYtI03yhuTa_JMiL_4nqQBgCeR981q4pR0ONMwJEQxJ9d8hO/s640/01.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 親密暴力是沉重的話題,2015年家暴(四等親內家庭成員之間發生的肢體,語言或是性暴力)被害人近14萬,男性被害人比例上升至3成,且無關乎社經地位高低。在反覆的挫敗中,一個人很難相信自己有能力、有價值可以過得更好,但,人真的可以改變。</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 本期胡說創刊號我們訪談了專注於家暴防治和服務的現代婦女基金會以及勵馨基金會。藉QA過程,邀請大家也給自己一個空間反思:「什麼樣的關係,才是自己真的想要的。」</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span>
<br />
<h4>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: orange; line-height: 115%;">Q1 </span></span><span style="color: orange;">針對親密暴力,您觀察到的普遍狀況?</span></span></span></h4>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">馨:</span><span style="color: #666666;">很多受害女性,</span></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">往往</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">長期在</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">重男輕女</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">的</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">貶抑環境中</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">長大</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">,好的都給兄弟,照顧卻總是姐妹的責任。所以會覺得是自己的命,逆來順受。有句話說,<b>先做人,再做女人</b>,我們只是希望這些被害者,擁有跟一般人一樣的權利就好</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;">。</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ea9999;">現:</span><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">其實我們的工作跟性別歧視,性別暴力有關,這些訊息告訴我們臺灣的社會還有很大進步空間。有沒有一些社會規範和思維,是我們現在可以調整的,讓一個平等的社會在未來有可能實現。而我們一直在做的,就是<b>如何讓性別,在未來不是一個問題。</b></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b><br /></b></span></span></span>
</span><br />
<h4>
<span style="color: orange; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="line-height: 16.8667px;">Q2 </span></span>語言暴力也算暴力嗎?</span></h4>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> 家庭關係或親密關係中,言語暴力常常用污瀎(罵對方是動物或生殖器官)、貶抑(抵損自我價值)、歧視、甚至冷暴力(忽視,當作空氣)。對關係來說,都是很大的傷害。有些甚至用金錢控制,這些都是精神上的暴力。長期言語暴力往往會讓對方失去自我價值,並且很難舉證或提供協助,這是可怕之處</span></span><span style="font-family: "arial unicode ms" , "sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">。</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial unicode ms" , "sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
<h4>
<span style="color: orange; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="line-height: 16.8667px;">Q3 </span></span>孩子目睹暴力對他/她的影響?</span></h4>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">現:</span><span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">如果是被打的大家比較容易理解,以後孩子可能較易成為加害人;不過只有看到或聽到的孩子,一般人可能覺得不太有影響。其實,家裡氣氛不對,媽媽眼神怪怪的,孩子都一清二楚。對較小的孩子,</span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">在</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">往後關係裡較易形成不安全依附,容易懷疑、退縮;對較大的孩子,則容易認為媽媽被打是因為自己不乖,在未來關係中,若別人錯待他,通常也都默默覺得,反正都是因為自己不好,而不當地責備自己</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "gungsuh" , serif;">。</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "gungsuh" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">馨:</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">從輔導經驗裡,發現有<span lang="EN-US">1/3</span>的被害人跟相對人(施暴人),其實是來自目睹暴力的家庭。孩子學習用這種方式處理衝突,只要不順心,就用這種方式待別人,不管肢體或言語暴力,都是學來的。許多孩子覺得無助:「這就是命,我一輩子只能這樣」。</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">孩子沒</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">有表達出口,家裡狀況這樣,因為擔心害怕沒法好好睡覺,去學校打嗑睡,又學習負面方式處理人際關係,學校就會認為他是</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">問題學生</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">。成績和人際關係都不好,到國中就成為中輟生,開始逃學、逃家。這些飛行少年,我們很清楚這些只是行為的結果,瞭解背後的原因,其實孩子發生問題已經很久了,其中之一就是目睹暴力。</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="line-height: 115%;">勵馨這兩年成立向日葵小屋,希望透過專業人員幫助孩子,在事情還沒太嚴重時把他留住,好好聽他講話,讓他把恐懼講出來,講出心中想要的家。</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
</span><br />
<div>
<h4>
<span style="color: orange; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">孩子的想法真的有可能帶來家庭的改變嗎?</span></h4>
</div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> 我們真的有成功案例,因著孩子心中的期待而願意改變,父母親和好。父母其實是愛孩子的,只是他們的原生家庭,從小到大沒有好的溝通方式,來到這裡有機會學習健康的溝通,發現原來我也可以用這種方式來處理衝突。<b>人要改變,是需要有動機的</b>,孩子的需要,可以讓父母有改變的意願。</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<h4>
<span style="color: orange; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="line-height: 16.8667px;">Q4 </span></span>對於<span lang="EN-US">(</span>勵馨所服務的<span lang="EN-US">)</span>這群女孩的轉變,有沒有可以分享給我們的例子?</span></h4>
<div>
<div class="normal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> 這類的故事,每天都在發生。這次刊物主題「我這樣愛你,對嗎?」重點是給自己一個空間去想,「我現在的生活和跟別人的關係,是我真的想要的嗎?」</span></span></div>
<div class="normal">
<br /></div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 有些年輕女孩會問,要怎麼找到對的人,不管是白馬王子也好,或是用怎樣的指標,後來發現,其實需要讓孩子們有機會去想:我需要的關係是什麼?這個是我們教育中比較匱乏的一件事。或是,我在關係裡,我不要怎樣被對待,這就是提到的界線問題。後來有個更簡單的指標,<b>「對的人應該會讓你越來越喜歡自己」</b>。因為你會覺得自己是被珍惜的,可以好好善待。雙方都更能看重彼此的價值。<b>人生不是找到對的人,而是好好地把眼前的關係做對。</b>你會知道接下來她伴侶的選擇模式變了,她們自己會去想,生活中,她們要的是什麼,進而穩定下來。</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h4>
<span style="color: orange; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="line-height: 16.8667px;">Q5 針對中年以上的服務對象</span></span>,有什麼想跟大家分享的?</span></h4>
</div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">中年以上的婦女朋友,有時真的很難放下「要給孩子一個完整的家」的期待。碰到較多角色平衡的問題,又是媽媽,又是女兒,又是員工,要獨立帶孩子又要兼顧工作,最被壓縮的都是自己。對於為自己做些什麼事情,總有很多想法和壓力。我們常在協助她們,盤點出生活的比重。有一個個案,因長年受暴很挫敗地來到這,一點點自信心慢慢被建立起來,直到有一次說,要過年了,想去塗指甲油,讓自己漂亮一點。那時我們真的有很深的感動,因為她開始為了自己的快樂跟美麗,做了一個極大的突破。</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"></span><br /></span>
<br />
<h4>
<span style="color: orange; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="line-height: 16.8667px;">Q6 從預防的角度</span></span>,有沒有什麼方法可以減少這樣的事情發生?</span></h4>
<h4>
<span style="color: orange; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">面對自己和自己的不安全感時,有什麼建議嗎?</span></h4>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>認識自己</b></span></span><br />
<div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">我們希望每個人從自己開始,關注自己的關係和情緒。每個人都有情緒不好的時候,如何管理情緒不造成傷害?一個是跟他人的溝通,一個是對自己要夠敏感。比方說,大家可以在情緒上來或快失控的時候,先說「等一下,我再跟你講下去我可能會說/做出傷害彼此的話/事,我們先結束,等冷靜一點再來溝通」建議在平常開心的時候先做好約定,不要等到真的吵架再來溝通。另外,要練習培養對自己情緒的敏感度,感到自己可能快不行時,就先喊卡。當然每個人個性不同,有些人喜歡當下講清楚,有些人當下就講不出來,需要整理一下。<b>沒有一定要一樣,但是,「你要認識你自己」。</b></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #444444; font-size: large;"><b>養育孩子</b></span><b style="color: #444444; font-size: x-large;"> </b><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: small;">分清楚「管教」與「教訓」。</span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> </span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">管教孩子時,父母更要反問自己,究竟自己是在教育,還是在發洩?尤其在憤怒時,更應有這樣的自覺,孩子是否能透過管教知道什麼事該不該做,或只是藉著打孩子發洩自己的情緒。</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>文化觀念 </b></span></span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">在關係中,學習溝通表達感受。</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b> </b>刻板印象,女人就是要在家帶小孩。重點不是一定要或不要,而是有沒有彈性及自決力。即,是否有空間決定什麼是自己要的,有沒有表達和溝通的可能性。</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US">____________________________</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;">《專家觀點》</span></span></span></span></h3>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: x-large;"><b>─ 讓尊重與愛成為親密關係代名詞 ─</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>文 / 王珮玲</b></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 15px;"><b>國立暨南國際大學</b></span></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">National Chi Nan University</span></b></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">社會政策與社會工作學系教授</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">兼人文學院家庭暴力研究中心主任</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcfEeVejvvUhky7ZzccOmaN-7B5MGczPBBSp5a73uxpCat1fy7RnFR0mbyzP28jaoTQzTXD58aygTgQ85z9sQ2fTaZpLqdNbl9ruVmaEie1JshJlJrgZv2YztL3n2iTyG8b1gaOCSv-7PY/s1600/02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcfEeVejvvUhky7ZzccOmaN-7B5MGczPBBSp5a73uxpCat1fy7RnFR0mbyzP28jaoTQzTXD58aygTgQ85z9sQ2fTaZpLqdNbl9ruVmaEie1JshJlJrgZv2YztL3n2iTyG8b1gaOCSv-7PY/s400/02.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #666666; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> <span style="font-size: large;">小時候的家是很簡單的磚造房,隔音效果不好,有幾次半夜被聲音吵醒,迷迷糊糊中好像聽到左鄰右舍叔叔打罵、阿姨哭泣的聲音。早上起來問大人,夜裡聽到的是什麼?大人告訴我:沒我們的事,不要問。這個畫面一直停格在我記憶中的深處。</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> 開始工作後,接觸了婦幼保護工作,讓我有機會慢慢理解存在於親密關係裡的傷害;進到學校服務,也持續進行家暴議題的研究。我印象深刻的一次訪談,一位非常年輕又美麗的女孩,有著深邃的五官與大大的眼睛,她走進我們約好的會談室,坐下來後,把衣服、褲子捲起來,給我看先生在她身上留下的,數十處遍布全身大大小小深淺不一的傷痕,與她衣服外表下漂亮的身影完全無法連結。傷痕的畫面實在太震撼,房間一片靜默,我們都需要調整情緒,才接得下去後面的研究訪談。</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> 現在我知道,她應該就是在半夜哭泣的「阿姨」。拉開真實的生活面貌,很不幸的,傷害我們最深的,往往是最親密的人。親密關係暴力是古今中外社會普遍存在的問題,對照國內的調查統計資料,發現身陷在親密關係暴力處境的人其實為數不少:國內</span><span lang="EN-US">18</span><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">歲以上婦女,每一年發生親密關係暴力的比率是</span><span lang="EN-US">10.3%</span><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">,而終生的盛行率高達</span><span lang="EN-US">26.0%</span><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">。雖然有這麼高的盛行率,但出來求助的人其實所占比例不高;而有些暴力關係持續的時間也很久,根據我對</span><span lang="EN-US">203</span><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">位擁有保護令婦女的研究發現,他們遭受親密關係暴力的時間平均長達</span><span lang="EN-US">6.7</span><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">年。</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> 親密關係暴力有各式各樣的型態,大家比較能辨識的是會留下傷痕的肢體暴力,但親密關係暴力中,發生率最高的是精神暴力,而經濟暴力、性暴力、跟蹤騷擾等,發生的比例也不低。如同在對女孩的訪談中,她述說除了肢體暴力外,她更是經常被先生言詞羞辱、威脅恐嚇、控制行動、控管金錢、監視行蹤、性虐待…</span><span lang="EN-US">.</span><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">等,彷彿是從教科書中走出來的個案,典型的多重暴力。這也是為什麼,她帶著如此憂傷的眼神,讓人一眼就能看穿她的不快樂。</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> 有人會質疑,為什麼親密關係暴力發生率這麼高、而暴力傷害又可以存在這麼久?這實在是一個非常複雜的問題。親密伴侶雙方有著最為深刻的關係,牽扯著感情、親情,以及經濟、生活與社會關係的連結,已經讓暴力問題難以理智面對;而施暴的一方又經常會有許多理由與藉口,更讓我們看不清楚真正的面貌。他們會怪罪對方什麼都做不好,不是好好太太、好媽媽;也會指控她的不忠,所以必須教訓與控制;也會威脅錢是我賺的,必須聽我的話;也會聲稱先生是一家之主,凡事他說的算;或是希望婦女專心照顧家庭,所以不要與外界往來;甚至認為男人天生就是有特權…</span><span lang="EN-US">.</span><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">。這些都讓控制在無形中滋長,權力在生活中逐漸傾斜,各式各樣的暴力逐漸發威。</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> 而另一方面,遭遇到親密關係暴力時,被害人也可能忍耐隱藏,避談這個問題,可能是畏於施暴者的恐嚇威脅,也可能是感情的羈絆、很難割捨;有時是心軟,相信終有一天會感化對方;或是顧慮到小孩,害怕小孩在不完整的庭長大;有時是害怕外界的眼光與壓力,或是擔心經濟的問題…</span><span lang="EN-US">.</span><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">。</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> 然關係如此糾結,傷害持續發生,這樣下去,會有什麼樣的影響?事情會好轉嗎?若暴力是某些情境下的偶發行為,可能隨著壓力減輕而好轉;但暴力關係若已是常態性的模式,暴力不會像魔術,一下就變不見了,而可能更像陀螺,越掘越深,影響越來越嚴重。因為在過程中,施暴者對被害人可能透過越來越多的孤立、控管、威脅、暴力…</span><span lang="EN-US">..</span><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">,讓被害人喪失自己可以控制的感覺,自主的意識被一點一滴的剝奪,做什麼事都擔心被修理或羞辱、沒有信心、沒有自我,甚至開始懷疑,我怎麼什麼都做不好?是不是都是我的錯?有時甚至身心俱疲,睡不著覺、身體有一些說不出的痛,但卻找不出病因;而在社會連結方面,也可能被迫與原本的支持網絡斷掉聯繫,孤立無援。</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> 除此之外,更重要者,在這樣關係中成長的小孩,目睹大人間的暴力,對他們帶來難以磨滅的刻痕,影響深遠。目睹包括看到或是直接聽聞到暴力,研究告訴我們,相較於其他兒童,目睹暴力兒童可能有較高比例容易發生暴力攻擊、退縮反應、社會適應、感情經營等問題;或是長大後複製大人的暴力行為,亦即所謂的「暴力代間傳遞」,相信這是每個家庭所最不樂意見到的影響。</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> 改變,可能嗎?當然有可能。我們看到一些婦女在這過程中,為自己尋求改變受暴的位置,或是為小孩與家庭奮戰的身影,終究尋回原本屬於她的快樂與幸福。也看到一些施暴者陷入痛苦中,尋求改變或協助,願意負起責任,終止暴力,重新開啟健康的親密關係與家庭生活。</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> 我常想,小時候跟我有同樣疑問的小孩,應該不少,如果大人那時候可以跟我們討論家庭暴力這件事,而不是避而不談,相信我們理解的路不會如此漫長,也或許就能避免成長過程中,面對親密關係曾經犯下的錯誤。當然,社會對一個問題的瞭解需要時間,有時更殘忍的,必須等到重大案例的發生,方能促發社會省思。</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; font-size: large; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language: ZH-TW; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> 深刻期待,對暴力零容忍,能成為我們社會捍衛的價值;也讓我們一起努力,讓尊重與愛,成為親密關係的代名詞。</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US">____________________________</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;">《胡說觀點》</span></span></span></span></h3>
<div style="text-align: start;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "新細明體" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: orange; font-size: x-large;"><b>─ 愛一個人讓他/她像一朵花恣意盛開 ─</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><br /></b></span></span><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>文 / 胡詠婷</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>議題胡說總編輯</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGrUcQdCEfR7SJcnmanwwyq-qIEdV52LpF3Bnpm9iR7cd-DFOQ_xgtmw4C64pqvplm3jXubbGxHaDxIxfoOuuKmTAG3bVRRYgix4FeWZy1yEGiSrF2hBt_53AV6uF1mgaGHjduIpS2ey6H/s1600/03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGrUcQdCEfR7SJcnmanwwyq-qIEdV52LpF3Bnpm9iR7cd-DFOQ_xgtmw4C64pqvplm3jXubbGxHaDxIxfoOuuKmTAG3bVRRYgix4FeWZy1yEGiSrF2hBt_53AV6uF1mgaGHjduIpS2ey6H/s400/03.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;">生活中處處都是交換,每個行為也都帶有動機和目的。目的這個詞在這裡可視為中性,因為就算父母愛孩子,也是因為希望自己是個「有愛心、稱職的」父母親,這就是一種目的。而不論是正向的、晦澀的、扭曲的、利用人的目的,「能坦誠覺察自己在關係中想要換什麼」覺察到這個目的,和目前與人相處模式的關聯,才是關鍵。</span></span></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> 說來有趣,其實每個人想換的東西大同小異,甚至小異也幾乎不存在,因為沒有人不想要換到安全感、被了解、接納、尊重、喜歡,能自在獨處、與人相處的彈性和自信、自我效能感、工作成就感、生命意義感等,這些,統稱幸福。每個人做選擇,目地都希望換到幸福,在關係中也是這樣。既然目的一樣,那就剩如何換取幸福的路徑問題了,篇幅關係只先聊聊關係面向的一點想法。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> 一段關係中,我們常可聽到這類話語:</span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">「我這樣對你,你怎麼可以<span lang="EN-US">…</span>」<span lang="EN-US">(</span>開始導入對價關係<span lang="EN-US">)</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">「我這樣說<span lang="EN-US">/</span>做,其實都是為了你好<span lang="EN-US">…</span>」<span lang="EN-US">(</span>以愛之名行勒索之實<span lang="EN-US">)</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">「你再這樣下去,我真的覺得很沒意思,不如我乾脆<span lang="EN-US">…</span>」<span lang="EN-US">(</span>意思就是,你不改變,成為我想要的樣子,就不可能得到我的愛。然,愛豈是被動的計算<span lang="EN-US">?)</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">或在心中盤算,這樣的付出「划不划算」,如果對方不是我期待的樣子,我「一定要想辦法調教他」或「告訴他誰才是老大」或「那我還要像傻子一樣愛嗎<span lang="EN-US">?</span>」</span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> 就像《小王子》所提,我們彼此牶養,卻又不失主體性。要不要花時間去經營、為關係重新學習調整自己,終究是捫心自問勝過依對方表現決定。愛一個人<span lang="EN-US">(</span>包括關照自己<span lang="EN-US">)</span>,出於自願地花時間陪伴、澆灌,讓他<span lang="EN-US">/</span>她像一朵花慢慢綻放,生機盪漾。讓對方因與自己的關係,更能認識、欣賞、發展、活出真實的自己,培養出更多的能力,展現熱情與韌性,而不是在自己的要求期待中奔走經營,以滿足別人需要,或社會好寶寶形象,為生活目標的歸依,甚至作為自我價值的定義。如此雖看似浪漫,實質卻是控制和被控制,捨棄主體性,堆疊出自欺的關係。</span></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b>價值感、安全感,從來就不是外在賦予,而是看待自己的眼光。</b></span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> 練習把緊張棘手、失衡的關係攤開檢視,在與自己的對話中,覺察自己的選擇權,在自己該負責的界限上好好承擔,其他的標籤就練習著讓他去吧,先成為一個完整而真誠的自己,才有建立真實親密關係的能力。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="normal" style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"> 回想起上述這些帶有勒索意味的,企圖告訴我們因為自己做了什麼,或擁有什麼,才能換得愛的語言,告訴自己不是這樣的。自己的需求自己負責,別人的評價輕鬆帶過,在關係中,不迎合討好,不故做高傲,不操弄掌控,不情緒勒索,不吸血寄生,在機會來臨時,鼓勵自己成為一個對的人<span lang="EN-US">─</span>孩子的靠山,情人的後盾,父母的朋友,在這樣的自在當中,看見自己踏過的路,滿園飄香花正開,不也特別迷人<span lang="EN-US">?</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US">____________________________</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span lang="EN-US"></span></span></span></span></div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;">┌DJ推薦┐</span></span></span></span></h3>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #666666;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> <span style="font-size: large;"> 想更了解變質的關係,推薦給大家《控制The Gone Girl》這部電影,以及美著名心理醫師<a href="http://search.books.com.tw/exep/prod_search.php?key=%E5%8F%B2%E8%80%83%E7%89%B9%E2%80%A7%E6%B4%BE%E5%85%8B&f=author">史考特‧派克</a><a href="http://search.books.com.tw/exep/prod_search.php?key=M.+Scott+Peck&f=author">M. Scott Peck</a>《邪惡心理學─真實面對謊言的本質People of the Lie-The Hope for Healing Human Evil》這本書。</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US">____________________________</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: large;">┌貼心提醒┐</span></span></span></span></h3>
<div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"> 平時如果不確定自己所承受的算不算家庭暴力,可打全年無休的113專業諮詢。支持反暴力,從關心開始,敬請搜尋轉發或申請成為議題胡說發放據點喔!任何心得感想,歡迎留言給我們,祝福大家在關係中,生機盎然,幸福蕩漾!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;"></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="normal" style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 21.528px;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;">
</span></span></span></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="background-color: white; clear: both; color: #666666; line-height: 21.528px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/%E8%AD%B0%E9%A1%8C%E8%83%A1%E8%AA%AA-254089598362905/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW9is0HZM_gRxfPKVMwEIo1KZmGbniZwDiS8PyHaOCWCVRo33k3CvRn67sRKLydfVJh4EZkkV_dx_hSa4U_eQpgAanlJpAetrQs_nhHVCydsFpGwI-ZQOVB4caKvUNXfsbeQzhy6uw0NZV/s1600/follow+us_1_2.png" /></a> <span style="color: #666666;"> </span><a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyuablEH4sTOTVLdC_xRkTMbGfdDBQ37F" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaeYeybX5dJMvKK5E0wgBh8BSwKDbMCy6CwcnSbLs9jmwZfQsctMDSwtg5IT7hmK_YAB40NGhGKLqMc1s_XX2FTqdXGwsmNAclAcM7nq6Hbhi5syt0AaTK7ke02kGiCaCd-MyUuJpNLEnS/s1600/follow+us_1_1.png" /></a></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;">
</span></span></span></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="background-color: white; clear: both; color: #666666; line-height: 21.528px; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;">
</span></span></span></span>
<br />
<div class="normal" style="background-color: white; color: #666666; line-height: 21.528px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;">
</span></span></span></span>
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: black; line-height: 21.528px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span lang="EN-US">____________________________</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;">
</span></span></span></span>
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; line-height: 21.528px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>發行人</b> 胡詠婷 <b>總編輯</b> 胡詠婷 <b>編輯</b> 程耀霆、陳宥鄞 <b>攝影</b> 秋葵</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>發行單位</b> 社團法人台灣綠能文創協會 <b>捐款帳號</b> 40610009200</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 21.528px;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-size: medium;">
</span></span></span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09198332433743375863noreply@blogger.com0